July 10, 2006

• Whew, what a way to learn the true meaning and depth of scriptures!!!

  
  

  Prov. 16:28 says that a perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends. 

  
  

  When you are the victim of the gossip, you see long-term relationships vanish into thin air.  Folks you've loved for years become distant, or even worse.  But how does that happen?  How does someone you care about, and who has cared about you, turn against you?  With the help of a third party, the "perverse man" or the gossip, it becomes deceptively simple.

  
  

  1,  Take two friends who are human. 

  
  

  2.  One friend fails the other (once or repeatedly doesn't matter here). 

  
  

  3.  Wronged friend becomes discontent

  
  

  4.  Wronged friend complains or vents to a perverse man (the gossip).  Now this becomes a test for this listener:  He can choose to stir dissension (gossip), or he can minister to the complainer.  I believe that the proverb uses the word "perverse" in this sense, that if the listener cared for the complainer, he would attempt ministry, but since he is perverse, he instead uses the situation for his own purposes (manipulation).

  
  

  5.  The "counselor" chooses badly.  Rather than minister to the discontent, he affirms the discontent, and sets himself up as a "better friend" than the one who failed the counselee.

  
  

  6.  The complainer, liking the affirmation, and the offer of sympathetic agreement accepts the counsel, and is encouraged in his discontent.

  
  

  The wedge is in place, and the relationship is aimed for the dustbin.

  
  

  It is important to note, though, that the perverse man is not the only sinner in the group.  The wrongdoer, the victim, and the "counselor" all play their parts badly.  This means that I can fail in each of the three roles contributing to the demise of the relationship.

  
  

  The ideal is that no friend would ever wrong another.  If I never wronged another, the gossip would have to make up stuff  to use for the wedge creation (which, tragically, some do).  In the scenario above, had the friend not wronged the other, there would've been no occasion for the gossip to become involved.

  
  

  As the wronged friend, I could also contributes to the destruction of the relationship by avoiding my responsibiliity to talk to my friend who wronged me.  Sometimes percieved wrong was not wrong at all, but just a misunderstanding or misinterpretation of words or actions (or lack of words or inaction).  Other times, when the wrong was real, not just perceived, the wounds of a true friend are faithful, that is they are a loving aspect of friendship.  A friendly, godly, peaceful conversation between friends could clarify and heal any blockage in the relationship.

  
  

  As the "counselor" I could play the perverse man simply enough:  I stir. Like a pointed breath on a small fire, as a manipulator I could stir up people's discontents when they serve my purposes.  When wrongs (perceived or real) aren't handled properly, then arn't allowed pass properly into history (learned from, forgiven, or forgotten), but instead are brought up, stirred up, and rehashed again and again, they fester into bitterness, grudges, or even hatred. 

  
  

  When a "counselors" (could be me) don't help people refocus their eyes on Christ or on His purposes for allowing the circumstances to come to the counselee, he (I) fail the counselee. 

  
  

  There are two ways that I can fail as counselor.  The first, as above, is that 
  I can profiteer from the situation, selling myself as a better friend than the wrongdoer.  The other is a callous "get over it" counsel that recognizes the responsiblity of the victim (counselee) to deal properly with the wrong, but does little or nothing to help the counselee actually move that direction. 

  
  

  We all need reminders that the God who allows us to be wronged actually allows the wrong as part of His loving plan.  Even if the wrong came intended for evil from man, it comes from God intended for good.  And every hurt person needs help actually assimilating that reality into his hurt so that it may return to joy.

  • 3:34 pm
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