July 29, 2008
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Of all the difficulties of ministry against which all leaders (including student leaders) must struggle, the most difficult seems to me to be the problem of dealing with feelings.
I cannot count the number of times I have talked to students, adults, and even myself (uh-oh), about something that needed to be done that was not getting done. After all the discussion about what was really happening, the answer (more often than not) boiled down to six simple words: “I just don’t feel like it.” It could have been a phone call that needed to be made. Or a visit that might have been a bit awkward. Or a marriage that was on the rocks. Or a student that was about to flunk a class. Or a Bible that had not been read in months. Or a youth group that was being ignored by a potential member. It could’ve been most anything.
Most of us would quickly agree that we need to obey God’s will. Most of us would also agree that this will is to be obeyed regardless of the difficulty that such obedience encounters. Where we break down is in our amazing ability to excuse disobedience in our situation, to find some “exception clause” in our particular case. We loudly affirm that God’s people must love and forgive. But we also point out why we can’t love and forgive this or that person because we feel they’re _______ (fill in your reason). We sing about sacrificing all in response to his great love for us. Then we list the reasons why we shouldn’t sacrifice ________ because we feel it’s somehow “essential” to our well being.
Not only can we effectively convince ourselves that our disobedience is no disobedience at all. We can easily find others who make matters worse by coming alongside (friends, family, ministry leaders, even pastors) to help us feel better by telling us that the harsh call of obedience is “surely not what a loving God would require of us.” Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, humanistic psychology (often baptised with a some scripture to satisfy the superficially diligent) has infected Christ’s church with a deadly focus on ourselves, and on how our circumstances and temptations make us feel. This focus is far removed from the biblical focus of setting our minds on things above, and of fixing our eyes on Christ (who may have felt pretty miserable for much of His ministry, especially the during last few days). Rather than considering others more important than ourselves, we’re encouraged to see that we don’t become some-one’s doormat, or that we’re not taken advantage of.
Rather than giving God the freedom to change us into anything He likes, we hand him only guarded small pieces and parts of ourselves that we feel we can do without control over. We magnanimously allow Him to own only the pieces of our lives that we can handle letting go of. Gone are the days when teens gave their whole futures to God. Now they give God “everything” (except their dating lives, their college choices, their “extrcurricular” activities, their careers, their free time, and their relationships with parents, teachers, and the church.
Rather than our hearts being broken with remorse for our own self-centered, shallow, superficial lives, we are more often filled with feelings of self-pity for the gross abuse that others hand us. Our employers don’t pay enough. Our spouses don’t love enough. Our children don’t respect enough. The church doesn’t care enough. Our parents demand too much. Our teachers expect too much.
Oh that God would restore to us all a view of Himself and of His love for us that would shatter our pitiful images of Him. His love for us is not just a warm, fuzzy, feeling. Indeed, God’s love for us is a consuming fire, prepared to do anything and everything that must be done to heal our selfish, sinful, stubborn hearts.
I think often of the love that Anna showed to our then-toddling daughter once when Jan had fallen, landing on the edge of a raised stone floor. She received a cut on her forehead that required stitches. Anna loved our screaming daughter enough to hold her head still for the doctor to sew the cut up. Yes, Jan felt pretty bad. Anna lovingly refused (it was not easy) to allow Jan’s feelings to interfere with her act of love. Jan had to hurt. Anna (and the physician) had to “make” her hurt. God, likewise, often has to hurt us in order to heal us. We must not shrink back from that process.
Youth ministry is about helping see that they can let go of much, in spite of their feelings that it won’t work. May God help us all (adults and teens) to lay all of our lives completely into His arms as evidence that letting go can work, because God can make it work.
