May 26, 2005

• Here are some things that God has been teaching me along the way lately.  I have become convinced that there are two major factors that cause relationships to dissolve, and that the factors usually work together.
  
  The first factor is miscommunication. Things are said that are heard differently. Things are heard that were meant differently. Silence is interpreted to mean things never intended. Another's actions, and inactions, are seen as evidence of motive, intent, or direction, none of  which were intended by the other. Any two people (mom & daughter, man & boss, husband & wife, etc.) can miscommunicate very easily. In fact, it has been often said that it's a miracle when two people actually understand one another most of the time.
  
  The second factor is sin.  I'm not suggesting adultery, drunkenness, theft, assault, or such "blatant" sins, though they play a role in some relationship failure.  I'm suggesting the "core" sin of demanding that my circumstances ought to be better, and since they aren't, I am released from continuing to obey God in my treatment of that other person.  I am not responsible to obey God any longer.
  
  How these two factors work together is, unfortunately, not complicated. Factor one occurs:  You say "X" to me, but I interpret it to mean "Y," then I might be offended when you meant no offense.  If I then think to myself, "Joe Schmoe offended me, and he shouldn't do that," then I'm set up for factor two:  "I deserve better than that sort of treatment from Joe," and "I shouldn't have to put up with that," then finally, "If that's how he's going to treat me, then FINE!!!  I'm going to show him."  I have then completed the mental gymnastics that will allow me to stop trying to love, respect, bear with, forgive, and minister to Joe.  And I have, in a sense, just taken the foundation out from under the relationship.
  
  All for now.  Have an AWESOME week xangaites!!!

  • 11:21 am
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