May 27, 2005
-
OK, here's part two to last night's entry.
The key to strengthening any strained relationship is for both parties to commit to becoming better communicators, and worse sinners. By "worse" I mean that they get less and less willing or able to sin against the other partner.
It is important to note that relationship is usually abandoned because of pain, frustration, confusion, and such. I see students abandon relationships all the time, because they feel that the hurt of the relationship is too much to bear. Sadly, I also see adults, who should know better by now, do the same. I suspect that such adults "learned" the practice as kids, with a difficult adult, and the practice gave them a measure of relief, so they now use it as adults, hoping for the same relief.
The biggest "challenge" to either party in relationship failure is to commit oneself to the health of the relationship, even if the other party is apparently not doing so. How does a parent continue to love a child that is hurting him/her badly? How does a teenager commit to honor and love parents who are fools? How does God commit to loving all of us when we are such a mess? The most difficult position in the world is to be committed to love someone who is not committed to loving back. And that is the position God calls us to put ourselves in repeatedly in scripture, whether we are slaves, masters, children, parents, leaders, followers, husbands, or wives.
If you can find God's peace in such times, and your anxiety gets minimized, it will help you greatly to expend needed effort to minimize miscommunication with another person, and make it much less likely that you would justify sinning against him. Thus, you would/could minimize your contribution to the dissolving pressures on the relationship. And that is all you can do. You can never "get" another to do more than he or she wants to do toward the health of your relationship. This is where you must trust God. His instructions to you are for your good, even if they seem to bring heartache, confusion, or pain.
These are not easy ideas. They embody the biblical notion of "I die daily" in that continuing to love one who does not love back is tantamount to slow emotional death. But God desires to pour His life into you as you pour yours into another. This is an idea that is often lost in today's modern "feel good" church, but it is solidly biblical.
Comments (9)
I agree with you 100%. I just got out of a bad relationship and while it had it's good times the bads seemed to outweigh it and i wasn't interested in working it out though he was. But the way i also see it, i am 20 years old, i work, i go to school, and i want my "me" time to figure out what i really want in life. I think many relationships don't work if a person hasn't found themselves yet either, and that was it in my case.
all i can give you for that are some eProps... you deserve them.
So true, most relationships have problems because people assume that you can read their mind.
Heather
Dude! Your explanations are awesome. I'm glad to see ministry in such a wonderful form.
*subscribes*
Thank you. Sadly, I can't do anything for 3 months til I'm back at school, but after that,who knows...?
I must say I commend you. Though I disagree with your belief, I believe in your ideals. I unfortunately know what it's like to live life and "die daily". It can bog one down at times. I've always relied more on my own strength rather than the concept of an omniscient being (just stating, not bashing [I think nothing is learned by those to ignorant to hear one's words fully before making opinions and rebutting through means of interruption]).
the eProps for both, actually... thanks for typing it, I needed to read it...
To clarify, we basically just need to continue to commit to someone/people even if the feeling isn't mutual? Couldn't that make someone pull away even further?
I do, however, like the way you put things into perspective. You're right about abandoned relationships being caused from frustration, confusion, and pain...but especially from frustration and confusion!
This will be the second pastor I now correspond with. The other one, maybe you've seen his site?, Brethern Barney I think it is, is a friend of mine. You leave such wonderful comments. Thanks so much.
Eve
Comments are closed.