September 9, 2005

  • So, complaining is forbidden to christians "in all things" or "in everything."  A quick survey of the Bible shows God dealing severely with grumblers and complainers in Israel, but often accepting/desiring complaints that are directed toward Him.  So right now we have to clarify what complaining is:  Complaining is venting our discontent with people or circumstances.  If the audience of our complaint is God, then we might be ok.  If the audience of our complaint is people, then we're out of line.  But I think there's another point of clarification that must be made:  How do I share my discontent with folks so that they can help me move to contentment?  Is that complaining?  What do you think, Xanga?

Comments (7)

  • Hmmm... tough questions...

    I think you might consider that "sharing discontent" and "complaining" are not exactly the same.

    Maybe the difference is the condition of the heart... or the attitude. Perhaps it's the difference between "I have problem xyz, what am I going to (or should I) do!?!" and "I have problem xyz, this really sucks and it's all your fault."
    What happens to the biblical view of complaining with that distinction?

    I think, in the presence of God, it is hard to complain and easier to share discontent. Maybe He means for it to be that way.

  • My favorite Bible verse is Pr.17:17: "A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity." This suggests to me that God gives us our friends for good and bad times.  God says that man is not to be alone, and why would he say such a thing if we were meant to suffer in silence? I think the nature of the "complaint" is important, although I can't condemn people for complaining to their friends. That's just what friends do. They go to each other with their problems if for no other reason than to have a shoulder to cry on. I know I'm probably not making much sense, but I stayed up for 22 hours and only slept 4, so that's my excuse. Summary: Friends help each other through hard times, but in order for them to do so, they must first know what the problem is. I complain to my friends as an outlet for my frustrations, and they do the same with me. I take most of my problems before God, but I also like to discuss my problems with those God has given me.

  • My biggest "complaint" about this material God's taking me into/through is the question of "what about sharing my troubles with friends?"  I suspect that Johnathan is onto the key with his comment about our hearts:  What exactly are we trying to accomplish when we share our troubles with others?  Complaining can serve many selfish purposes:  I can excuse my crummy attitude about someone/something by complaining about a flaw or fault in it;  I can build myself up at someone else's expense;  I can actualy manipulate others to act on my behalf (so I don't have to);  I can collect pity, support, allies for my cause, etc.  I can undermine anothers work, popularity, even career success.

    So, assuming I'm not selfishly doing any of that, can I complain to my friend about my boss?

    A verse in Ephesians comes to mind about nothing out the mouth but what is edifying.  So, not only must my words to my friend not be selfish, they must be ministry to him.

  • RC: I don't suppose I ever thought of it that way, or at least I've never really put it into words. Actually, maybe I have. I know I sometimes ask forgiveness for not trusting God's will, and that distrust usually involves complaining about my circumstances. So many times, I really miss the boat in my interpretations of what's going on. I'll get angry and upset, only to find out either that God has worked things out wonderfully or that there wasn't even really an issue at all and I was just overreacting. One last thought: personally, I find it "edifying" to find out that my friends are going through tough times too. Not out of any sense of satisfaction for their suffering of course, but because troubles can draw ppl closer together.

  • i think that the difference between "sharing troubles" and "complaining" is who is on the recieving end.  if you are discussing a problem with a friend who is genuinley interested and wants to help you through your problems, then it is "sharing troubles".  if you are just telling people about your problems to get sympathy, then that is "complaining".  maybe i didn't answer your question, but that's my opinion on things.

  • hey...whats up??? nm here...anyway..i think that talking to the person(s) that u have issues with in a calm fassion, just telling them how they make u feel or whatever...thas the only way around actually "complaining".... lol...

    anyway....the artist in that video is disturbed...its a song from their new album "ten thousand fists" that comes out september 20th...i havent listned to it much...and as for matt...i heard of him for the first time yesterday....he lived in florida....yeah...anyway...that is the frame that is dragging and making the sparks like that....thats the main thing to do in minitruckin...

    anyway, ill talk to you later..btw, i cant make it to church tonight...ill be there for it next week...i promise...ttyl..

    Joe

  • I think it is a heart condition. If you are sharing discontent very pointedly, for example, I feel discontented because someone has done this or that (and the person is within hearing distance or is the person you are speaking too) then that is very different than perhaps sharing discontent with your spiritual advisor and seeking to find a way to resolve it in a godly manner.

    If you have a problem with a person, better to air it directly to the person in a loving manner, than to hold it in. Sometimes it is really a problem, sometimes it isn't. But the airing has to be with a view of finding a solution for the both of you.

    I think it is a very individual thing, and you also have to consider the person who has hurt you. Are they a baby Christian, are they mature and should know better? Sometimes just loving the person is enough.

    Sometimes you think there is a problem when there isn't. The other day my pastor introduced me to his mother. I was chit chatting with her (she is elderly and recovering from a broken hip). I mentioned that I hear pastor Don had done quite a few bad things as a child (thinking of a few episodes he told us about like breaking his parents bed by jumping from a dresser and muddying up his suit on Easter). I then realized, that given his past that the question could have seemed hurtful in one sense. I tormented myself over that poorly phrased question, and so yesterday went and apologized to my pastor. He refused my apology because he said that I had done nothing out of order, that his mom loved me, and then told me that I have to stop being so hypercritical of myself. Well, what I thought I had done wrong I hadn't, but there was still error in my thinking. But had I not gone and apologized, I would not have known where the error was and perhaps I would have backed off from my pastor, or had that erroneous guilty feeling between us.

    Spiritual growth is so hard, but if correction is done in a loving manner and with the focus of helping the person to be a better disciple, that is a way better focus than dealing with just how something affects you and your feelings.

    This is a hard question to answer in general. Hope you are having an awesome weekend.

    Heather

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