September 19, 2005
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Hmmm. So there's a "form" of complaining that's right. That is, when I am in the state of discontent, and I recognize that I'm not where I should be, and I recognize that it is not my circumstances that are at fault for my discontent, so I ask someone for help in moving me back to contentment, and for help in responding properly (Christly) to the discontenting circumstances. That's it.
I've noticed much lately about "prayer requests" from many folks. The requests are about changing circumstances: heal my dad, fix my boss, give me better grades, etc. They seldom include any request to grow the requester, or to help the requester deal in a godly manner. Is that because we're unaware that God allows us to have crappy days in order to grow us?
From my comment to a comment, here are some self-serving motives I came up with for complaining. Can you add any?
- I can excuse my crummy attitude about someone/something by complaining about a flaw or fault in him/it;
- I can build myself up at someone else's expense;
- I can actually manipulate others to act on my behalf (so I don't have to);
- I can collect pity, support, allies for my cause, etc.
- I can undermine anothers work, popularity, even career success.
Can any of you add to this list?
Comments (6)
Mine could probably technically go under collecting pity, support, etc., but I feel like when I complain, it's more than a mere gathering of allies. My rational for complaining (I'm not saying that it's right; this is just my justification) is that friends complain to each other and listen to the complaints of others. This might sound silly, but when a friend trusts me enough to tell me their complaints and troubles, I almost feel honored. I'm not talking about things like "My nail polish is chipped" or "I missed tonight's American Idol episode". I"m talking about thing such as "I feel like I accomplished nothing today" or "Actually, I feel terrible." Sharing troubles is what friends do. My friends complain to me, I complain to them, and we get closer. After all that circular rambling, here's my selfish reason: By both complaining to and listening to the complaints of my friends, I'm fulfilling my duty as a friend. I know this isn't entirely coherent, but it's 12:45 in the morning.
RC: sorry it took so long for me to answer, but I've been kinda busy. Friendship is definitely more than the giving and receiving of complaints, but is it my duty as a friend to do more than listen to the complaints of my friends (at least I believe that's one of the questions)? As a Christian, am I obligated to help my friends "complain" in a godly manner? Perhaps. I always try to be there for my friends in as many ways as I possibly can as often as I possibly can, which of course means listening to their troubles and sharing mine in commiseration. I can remind my friends of things that, although true, always manage to sound cliche when said aloud such as "Jesus loves you", "God is in control", or even the dreaded "You have your health; what more could you want?" Not that these things aren't true, but when one of my friends is hurting, they don't want an easy answer like, "God's in control, so deal with it." They want a means of unburdening themselves, and they might not be perfect in doing so. That's one of the beauties of friendship: not having to always be nice and polite since we should feel at liberty to be honest with our friends. To wrap this rambling mess up, I don't want to preach at my friends when they come to me, but I do want to give them solid, biblical answers. That's easier said than done, and I often fail miserably. I don't know if I answered any of your questions, but at least I've given you a lot to wade thru. Pr.17:17 always!
Perhaps complaints can disrupt things so that more attention is focused on myself.
Some complain because they really can't see the positive or are hurting badly.
Some want acknowledgement for what they have done.
I suppose the best way to stop complaining is to focus on Jesus,.
Heather
I like Heather's second possibility. This has been a pretty rough week for me, and I fail to see how this roughness has benefitted anybody. I"m on crutches, have allergy problems (and others about which I won't go into much detail) and I fail to see the positive side of this. I am hurting badly, although only indirectly because of my ankle. I'm hurting badly because now I feel like I can't depend on those I once depended on. Also, I feel like when things are bad they're probably going to get worse, so I feel like complaining will kind of prepare and numb me for when things get worse. Maybe that's not Biblical, but every single time I've ever been really happy, something bad has happened to show me that it's not real. Well, one thing that's definitely real is that I have about 15 minutes to get ready for church and I'm still in my pajamas.
Rebecca,
Pr.17:17 always
hey doug...whats up??? nm here...ill show ya the hood whenever u want..lol..or if ur at church tonight....but the mirrors, they arent on...lol..i hafta mod my doors so that the panel where my old mirrors were, will accept these new mirrors...and whenever u wanna go get something to drink or whatever, im game for that...:) just lemme know when ya wanna...thas cool that u most likely will stay in klamath...:) hope that all works out...and sure, thatd be cool to hear all about that...:) im really tired right now (not the greatesr day), so im gonna go wash my truck and then relaz before going to church...so ill ttyl...
Joe
Haven't heard from you in awhile, wondering if you are ok. Praying for you.
Heather
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